Masks

My Drawing of Myself  

Grant and I have participated in a marriage enrichment group (MEG) for almost 30 years. Using the format from an organization now known as Better Marriages, we meet once a month with other couples to have a dedicated time to work on our marriage. It is not a group effort, but rather a chance to practice talking to each other in a formal dialogue, after which the others may comment on our process, not the content.

The host couple presents a short session about a topic they choose, then we, as couples, discuss it. Last night, the topic was masks from an art therapy perspective. The suggestion was that we draw a mask that shows the face we present to the world and then a second one that shows what we look like on the inside.

It seems to me that my inside and my outside masks are pretty much the same, because I tend to speak my mind rather than keep my thoughts to myself. When does this flow from being a strength to being a weakness? A fond memory was when a minister who had absolutely no filters asked a person to read at a Christmas Eve service. Noting that the reader hadn't been at church much lately, she called him to the pulpit with, "Come on down, you old back slider."

When I am in my right mind, I can be forceful and eloquent without being harsh or mean. Decades of practice keeps my filters in place most of the time. I often remember my friend's admonition about waiting until the iron is cool before striking. Not nearly 100%, however better than if I hadn't tried and better than I used to be.

Thank you to the founding couple of our MEG and to the other couples who have participated with us over the years. My life and marriage are better because of them.